The Hearing Aid
The Hearing Aid 'is the sixty-fourth prank call in the Crotchety Old Man calls series. Transcript ''(ringback tone) 'Woman: '''Good afternoon, (censored) Hearing. '''Milton: '''Oh, thank God you've answered! Hello?! '''Woman: '''Hello! '''Milton: '''Yes! What have I reached? '''Woman: '''You've reached the (censored) Hearing Aid. '''Milton: '''Yes! I'm trying to call about my ear! '''Woman: '''Are you the one that fell? '''Milton: '''Yes! '''Woman: '''Just a minute! ''(Milton is briefly put on hold) 'Man: '''Hello! '''Milton: '''Hello?! '''Man: '''How are you? '''Milton: '''I'm okay! I'm calling about my ear...piece! '''Man: '''And what is your name? '''Milton: '''Milton...Fludgecow! '''Man: '''What can I do to help you? '''Milton: '''I'm having trouble! I'm hearing wacky, crazy noises in my head! '''Man: '''Okay....and that's with your hearing aid in? '''Milton: '''What?! '''Man: '''Is that with your hearing aid in? '''Milton: '''I can't hear you- speak clearly! '''Man: '''Okay...you're hearing the noise with your-when the hearing aid's in your ear? '''Milton: '''You're going to have to speak louder! All I'm hearing is mumbly gibberish! '''Man: '''Are you hearing the noise...when you're wearing the hearing aid? '''Milton: '''What?! I don't want lemonade! I'm calling about my hearing aid! '''Man: '''I know that, ma'am! '''Milton: '''Then why are you saying "lemonade"?! '''Man: '''I said "hearing aid"! '''Milton: '''Wha-?! '''Man: '''Hearing aid! '''Milton: '''Yea-! '''Man: '''Not lemonade! '''Milton: '''Yes! I'm having trouble with my hearing aid! '''Man: '''You say you have a noise in your head? '''Milton: '''Listen to this! ''(Milton places hearing aid by phone; hearing aid sounds like static and radio frequencies) '''Milton: '''Can you hear that?! '''Man: '''Yes, I can! '''Milton: '''What is that staticky noise in my head?! '''Man: '''Do you have the hearing aid in your ear? '''Milton: '''Why do you keep talking about lemonade? '''Man: '''I did not say "lemonade", I said "hearing aid"! '''Milton: '''What?! '''Man: '''I said "hearing aid"! Not "lemonade"! '''Milton: '''I was in, I think, about a week ago...or it might've been a month...to have the adjustment, and it hasn't been the same since then! '''Man: '''Spell your last name for me! '''Milton: '''What?! '''Man: '''Spell your last name for me! '''Milton: '''Wha- I can't hear you! A little louder and slower, please! '''Man: '''What is your last name?! '''Milton: '''Oh! My name! '''Man: '''Yes! '''Milton: '''F-L-U-D-G-E-C-O-W, Fludgecow! My first name is Milton! '''Man: ''(in the background) Fludgecow... ''(Man on other line is heard flipping through papers) Milton: 'Listen to the noise it's making! ''(Milton puts hearing aid back near phone) 'Milton: '''Do you hear that?! '''Man: '''Yes! I can hear that! '''Milton: '''It's-it's very loud...what is causing the static?! '''Man: '''I- I do not know! I would have to look at the hearing aid! '''Milton: '''Excuse me?! Why do you keep talking about lemonade?! I'm talking about my hearing aid! '''Man: '''Yes, ma'am! When you-! '''Milton: '''No! '''Man: '...hear lemonade-! '''Milton: '''No! I'm a sir! '''Man: '''Yes, sir! When I- when you hear "lemonade", I am saying "hearing aid"! '''Milton: '''What should I do now? Should I come in for the adjustment? '''Man: '''I think you need to do that! Do you have a switch...on your hearing aid? '''Milton: '''Did you just call me a "bitch"?! '''Man: '''No sir, I did not! No! '''Milton: '''Yes! You called me a "bitch"! I heard you! '''Man: '''No, I did not! '''Milton: '''You called me a "bitch"! I don't think that's very nice! '''Man: '''I said..."switch"! '''Milton: '''Why are you calling me a "bitch"?! That's not very nice! '''Man: '''I am not! When can you come into the office?! '''Milton: '''Yes, I'll be there in about six hours. I gotta go to bingo...and then I'll be there at approximately ten o'clock! '''Man: '''I won't be open at ten o'clock! '''Milton: '''Okay! So I'll see you at ten o'clock tonight! '''Man: '''No, you won't! '''Milton: '''And then you can fix the hearing aid! I will stop by right after bingo! Can you- '''Man: '''We're not open at ten o'clock! I close at five! '''Milton: '''What?! '''Man: ''(faintly) Oh geez... '''Man: I close at five o'clock! '''I am not open at ten o'clock at night! '''Milton: '''Good! It'll be ten o'clock and I'll see you then! If I get there at 9:30, would that be okay? '''Man: '''Milton! '''Milton: '''Yes? '''Man: '''I am not open at ten o'clock! '''Milton: '''That is a good time! Perfect! I'll see you at ten o'clock! '''Man: '''No! ''(Milton hangs up) Category:Prank calls